Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
