Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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