she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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