I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to make out with him forever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
