I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
