she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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