we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can I color on your dick again?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
