Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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