This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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