He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize