I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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