if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Success! We fucked roommates!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize