3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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