Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
