turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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