he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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