i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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