And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
