The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize