this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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