I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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