I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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