so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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