I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize