Screwed.edu
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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