On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I intend to get homeless drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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