My balls are so social today.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
