Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
