Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
