the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex