someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes