Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.