This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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