I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
