Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
