I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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