My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
