Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
