Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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