Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
