how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life