My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.