so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE