so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"