Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He? As in you personified your dick?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids