You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.