I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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