The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize