i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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