you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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