I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
