We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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