The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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