FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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