You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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