I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.