The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.