UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux