I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still