I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
